Sometimes it can be near impossible for us to see how things are meant to be while they’re happening. God’s ways are infinitely higher than our ways, and His thoughts are unfathomable and uncontainable. If we were even to begin to try to comprehend Him, our heads would probably explode from overwhelming power. Often times, when we picture God, we picture Him as a guy in the sky pulling strings like a puppet. We imagine something like this, or something similar, because it’s what our minds can comprehend, but in reality, we have no idea what God is truly capable. Yes he can do anything, but to our tiny, insignificant human brains, that just means a lot. We say that He is capable of anything, but how many of us actually live like it? Imagine living like you could not fail; what would you do?
I’m always content to suffer through something if I know the outcome is going to be in my favor, but often times that just isn’t the case. Sometimes life just sucks, and you don’t know why, and you tell yourself that God has a plan and He’s gotten you through it before, so He’ll do it again, but that doesn’t make the sadness any easier to bear; it doesn’t make the disappointment any easier to take, especially if it’s a repeat trial. Everyone likes to talk about their past trials and struggles, the ones they’ve already overcome, but no one likes to talk about their real struggles in the moment because that’s just not as uplifting and optimistic.
Recently, I had a long talk with God, I felt a lot like Job, obviously not on the tragic level of losing everything, but on the level of understanding that sometimes there’s disappointment and I don’t quite know where it fits in to my story. The thing about it though, is that I could not, would not, and will not understand, because God’s ways are infinitely higher than mine, and He has a totally different perspective than me because he can see everything all at once, and He already knows how it’s going to play out. When I spoke to God, the conversation was a couple hours of lopsided, incoherent babbling on my part, and when God responded, it was short and sweet. He said “Be peaceful, and trust me.” Imagine being the first mate on a ship, and your captain sets sail, while also refusing to tell you where you’re going, while he also does seemingly disconnected things that you really don’t understand and refuses to tell you what’s going on, but demands your obedience. That’s how i used to feel; now it’s much deeper than that. I also understand that if I knew the outcome, I’d probably mess it up anyway, and God has something so much better planned for me than I had for myself.
As a human, I would obviously never choose disappointment or sadness, but I do feel it has an important place in our lives, and what may seem like disappointment to us, might actually be the switch that flips our calling into action. When God told me to be peaceful and to trust Him, I knew then that I must choose Him every time, because He is peace. Much like Job, I have no idea what God’s plan is, but what I do know is the more time I spend fighting it, the more time I waste outside of peace. I am choosing to accept His plan on my life, regardless of my circumstances, regardless of my feelings, and regardless of how differently it looks from my own plan. I spent too much time in my past being resentful and full of self-pity, and stuck on things that God had already taken care of. This year I’m choosing peace and trust over worry and knowledge. I’m giving up control, submitting to God, knowing that I’m not going to understand everything, and that’s okay. Sometimes there will be tears, and turmoil, and disappointment, but in Him I have a consistent rock to lay my foundation – a constant support to put my trust in. Sometimes it’ll suck, honestly it already has, but my peace and my trust are in Him, and as long as I have that, the rest will work itself out.